Just just What had been the possibilities things could become violently between us — beside me, needless to say, obtaining the shitty end? Might Trayvon force himself that I happened to be unwilling to just accept but not able to stop? On me personally in ways! They were perhaps maybe not questions that are idle. I thought long and difficult about it, however in the end I decided that no, he’dn’t do this. Considering exactly exactly what, you may well ask? Good question — we don’t understand.
Another consideration had been, that which was Trayvon leaving this relationship? Demonstrably, he’d have yourself an intercourse partner as well as minimum some use of my canteen account. We knew he previously absolutely no cash, and then he knew that I’d at the least some funds. Possibly he had been actually interested in me personally in which he had been a mooch — an opportunity was represented by me to meet both requirements! Ended up being here any such thing undoubtedly incorrect with that? Only at that very very early phase we told myself that for as long I was okay to let him have a soup or a honey bun when he wanted something as he didn’t get too greedy. Why shouldn’t I reward him for their relationship? In the end, we endured to obtain one thing using this too — unlike my situation at Swift Annex I’d have jail bad-ass back at my part just in case i obtained threatened or harassed.
Did Trayvon have HIV or other STD? Needless to say he said no and said he’d to obtain tested sporadically and blah blah that is blah. I did son’t press the presssing issue or insist upon seeing the test outcomes. Alternatively We asked myself — keep in mind, this person ended up being assigned to kitchen responsibility — Would my state’s DOC designate some guy with HIV compared to that sort of work? I’d to trust the solution had been no, no chance. Other inmates later on laughed within my self- confidence in DOC! Additionally, he wasn’t using any meds — either K.O.P. (“keep on person”) or solitary dosage. Consequently we judged him become healthier.
Ended up being I truly the only guy he had been hitting on or are there other people — either there in my own dorm or perhaps in your kitchen where he worked sixdays per week? Did we worry about that? A jail dorm is all about the smallest amount of personal destination you can reside in, therefore I could see the vast majority of Trayvon’s interactions with other people. He previously other buddies, black & white. Did it appear to be he had been hitting on some of those dudes? Response — no. As to I must’ve cared or I wouldn’t have been paying so much attention whether I cared. But I told myself we cared maybe not away from jealousy but because I happened to be nevertheless trying to puzzle out their genuine motives and concerned about getting an STD.
I inquired myself: If i actually do this does that produce me personally unfaithful to my ex-wife with who We hoped to get together again whenever I got down? Just just What would which means that? We had been divorced!
Could carrying this out somehow turn me personally homosexual after an eternity to be right — at minimum since it pertains to grownups? I did son’t understand yet because I experiencedn’t had this experience yet. But we thought — no. I happened to be making a unique exception for this “friend with benefits, ” an exception that could end whenever we ended. We thought, “Trayvon is really a situation that is unique. What other young black colored dudes may be enthusiastic about an adult white guy? ” To date, i did son’t feel try these out any gayer. I became simply messing around and having some disgusting fun. It had been a jail thing.
Before looking at the possibility advantages Trayvon had to provide as a “friend with advantages” i want to say one final instead serious issue that I didn’t think of in front of time — although in hindsight i truly needs to have! Which was, suppose we had been discovered? Assume rumors because I was spending a lot of time hanging around Trayvon’s bunk and we’re smiling at each other a lot about us began to fly around the dorm just? Just exactly just What would we do, if such a thing, to squelch such rumors?